can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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