the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
