Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
