I wanna bring you to show and tell
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
