So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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