Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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