Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
