My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
