and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
