I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
