I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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