I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
