so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
