im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
NoShamevember. You game?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
