im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
