You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
