She's JV to your varsity
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Randomize