Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
