Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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