just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
