when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
