even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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