Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
