If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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