He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
