Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I can't put those talents on a resume
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes