you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.