He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.