i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"