I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."