He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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