dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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