Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
