when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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