My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
