I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
