the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
