Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
