I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize