I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
