Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
