A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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