he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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