This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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