Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
