I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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