Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
