i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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