I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
dude i'm inner monologue high
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
