He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
