remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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