my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
