im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
