If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
