Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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