I cockslap morals
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
