I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
