I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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