Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
