Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
