you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
