I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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