we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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