dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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