What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
the day after is always just damage control
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Randomize
