it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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