I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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