Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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