I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
it glows. i had to have it.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
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You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
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I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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