I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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