i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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