I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
